a few molecules of air bring me back...

nature is whats missing. sitting on my bed with the window open wide, the frigid winter air pouring into my nostrils, filling me up, the sky- the blackness and the stars filling my eyes. laying and breathing and listening is what is missing. it's needed, as music is needed, to make me a better version of me. this place ruins people. it's ruining me, i know it is.

i dont know why i dont take this idea seriously. it was my own. why isn't it a realistic idea? it's ideal. its perfect. and as i write this i come up with every reason not to. i have to. to save myself and maybe save someone else. i want so much but its all so simple. so small...

a house, a hill, a cat, a love, a good song, a glass of wine, a tree with a swing and initials carved into the bark with the dusty knife that my father gave me when i was a girl.

i think i am running out of time... oh god please dont let me run out of time...

and in my best bahavior i am really just like him

look beneath the floorboards for the secrets i have hid

music: the lubrication of seratonin flowiness

I am a different person today. Bad different. Someone I never wanted to be. I'm happy, I suppose, but I never intended on becoming a person who coveted anger, cultivated it.
grow and smolder, while I go about every day. I think I've realized why that is; a major factor.

I don't listen to music anymore. I used to. And I don't.

My life revolved around music. I listened to it constantly, from the moment I woke up until I
passed out

It distracted me, medicated me, sedated me, motivated me, stimulated me, comforted me, saddened me, saved me.

And then life changed... And I stopped making music a part of what made me.




And then came Apple iTunes Genius.

[Hah! And you thought this was a serious entry...]

Some songs to never forget to listen to:
DeVotchKa - How It Ends
Casimir Pulaski Day - Sufjan Stevens
Naked As We Came - Iron & Wine
Australia - The Shins
Where Is My Mind? - Pixies

more to come...